"Falling into Self-Doubt Again? Here Are Some Tips to Help You Feel Capable Again"

This article is Lu Canwei's 116th original piece.

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Recently, I haven't been as busy as before, and I feel a bit unaccustomed. After my extremely regular life was disrupted, I found that I became quite lazy. Plus, I've been running around lately, which has led to an extremely irregular schedule. Next week, I will return to my hometown and should stay in Shenzhen for a few days. Those who want to meet up can arrange it.

When our schedule is irregular, it leads to fatigue. When we are very tired, we don't want to do things; not wanting to do things makes us even lazier. By the end of the day, it feels like we haven't done anything, which makes us even less inclined to sleep, leading to extreme anxiety that further prevents us from sleeping, ultimately forming a vicious cycle.

The author of "Adversity Quotient" discovered that when facing setbacks, people can enter two modes: the "European Emperor" mode and the "Non-Emperor" mode.

European Emperor and Non-Emperor

The Non-Emperor mode tends to worsen after adversity. The longer a person remains in adversity, the stronger their explosive energy becomes. For example, many people rush to find the next partner after a breakup to fill their sense of dependency, without considering whether the new partner is suitable for them. This can likely lead to the next relationship facing the same issues. However, if one does not rush into the next relationship at this time, they can think carefully about what kind of person is suitable for them, which may actually improve the quality of the next relationship.

Typically, when encountering adversity, they fall into self-doubt, then become negative and depressed, leading to insomnia. Insomnia results in a lack of planning, and without a plan, they cannot take action. Coupled with negativity, this further hinders action, resulting in no outcomes, which deepens self-doubt and forms a vicious cycle.

So, what is the European Emperor mode like?

Generally, when facing adversity, those in the European Emperor mode believe they can overcome it, leading to increased confidence. They then persist in exercising, which results in good sleep, followed by clear planning, enabling them to take action. Exercise boosts confidence, allowing them to achieve goals and thus generate self-confidence, forming a virtuous cycle.

From this, we can see that several factors can break the cycle: confidence, exercise, sleep, and planning.

Confidence

Some people are naturally optimistic, while others are not. This is closely related to individual experiences and education. So how do we generate confidence? One source of confidence and inferiority comes from comparison. For instance, when we were young, we often heard about how well other kids were doing, and as we grew up, there were various comparisons. Sometimes this can lead to excessive confidence, which is arrogance. Of course, comparison can also lead to feelings of inferiority. So how do we improve this?

The answer is still comparison, but you shouldn't compare yourself to those who make you feel inferior. After all, everyone only shows their good side, hiding their shortcomings as much as possible. Therefore, you should seek comparisons through other means, such as books.

Recently, I have been reading the biography of Wang Yangming. His lifelong ambition was to become a sage, akin to wanting to change the world from a young age. Others thought he must not be particularly bright.

Back then, he and his friends studied Zhu Xi's philosophy of "investigating things to attain knowledge." Simply put, it means understanding life philosophy through observing objects. They went to a bamboo grove and stared at bamboo for several days. Eventually, one of his friends couldn't take it anymore and even started hallucinating, telling Wang Yangming that he was not a sage and couldn't comprehend it. Wang Yangming, unwilling to give up, continued for a few more days and also fainted after experiencing hallucinations. When he woke up, he said, "This is just success studies," but at that time, public opinion was all about how great Zhu Xi's philosophy was, and he felt it was an insurmountable mountain.

Then, Wang Yangming abandoned Zhu Xi's philosophy and began to learn knowledge from other disciplines, such as Daoism, Buddhism, and military knowledge. After six years of wandering, he found that none of it seemed to work, and he eventually returned to Zhu Xi's philosophy. He saw a letter from Zhu Xi that roughly meant to focus on one field and not to keep switching. Wang Yangming then resumed "investigating things to attain knowledge," but after a long time, he still couldn't achieve results. During this period, he sometimes felt his wisdom was insufficient, and at other times thought "investigating things to attain knowledge" was wrong, falling into a state of anxiety and entanglement. Finally, he broke down and said, "Sages are probably destined by fate, and I am unfortunately not destined."

After such a comparison, one realizes that their little entanglements are trivial, and suddenly feels capable again...

Exercise

First, exercise increases physical fatigue, leading to better sleep quality and longer deep sleep. Exercise produces a hormone called endorphin. This hormone is a natural painkiller that can bring inner peace and help maintain a youthful and happy state.

Moreover, Nobel Prize winner Roger Guillemin found that endorphins can improve academic performance and enhance memory. They can also adjust negative emotions, activate the neuroendocrine system, and boost immunity. Endorphins have numerous benefits for the human body, allowing us to recognize ourselves and be filled with confidence about the future.

The health benefits of exercise are numerous, and at the very least, you won't be as afraid of sudden death.

Sleep

The importance of sleep needs no further explanation. Interested readers can check out the book "Why We Sleep." Our bodies are not measured by eight hours of sleep per day but rather by the number of sleep cycles in a week. On average, a sleep cycle lasts about 90 minutes, going through light sleep, deep sleep, and REM sleep. Each person's sleep cycle is different, and everyone needs to test it for themselves.

Recently, due to severe sleep deprivation from coffee, I have been sleeping over 10 hours a day. Whether you sleep more or less each day isn't a big issue; the key is to maintain a regular schedule. Interested friends can check out my previous article on why I sleep a full eight hours every day but still feel tired.

Planning

Without a checklist, you won't know what to do each day, leading to inefficiency. However, having a checklist is also useless if you don't follow it to execute and adjust. For example, I used to write many items on my daily checklist, but it was often too ambitious. So now, I have significantly reduced my daily checklist to about three tasks. If I have extra time, I will exercise, read, or watch Bilibili (watching Bilibili has shifted from blue to red in my time tracking; those unclear can check my previous article on time and energy management).

For those interested in checklists, I recommend reading "The Checklist Manifesto" and also check out my previous article on how to avoid mistakes by using a checklist.

Finally

No matter what state you are currently in, first accept yourself, then tackle one problem at a time like leveling up in a game. If you can't solve a problem, just leave it be; perhaps one day, as you move forward quickly, that problem will no longer exist.

Recommendations:

I recommend a few books that I think are great:

If you're unhappy at work and want to quit but don't know what to do next, what should you do?

Learn to let go.

Is it worth joining a paid community? You might have a different perspective after reading this.

Hey, take it easy.

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